I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
