Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my liver is dry heaving
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
