he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
