Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
