I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
