I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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