I bet he comes in French.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
