a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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