As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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