There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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