He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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