I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
