Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
