I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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