And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
