i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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