I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
