now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize