dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
