how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
