roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
