Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
