I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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