Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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