Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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