Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Drunk is not a location!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
