Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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