who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
