when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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