Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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