Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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