she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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