Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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