In the future we'll all be gay
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
