That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
