CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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