Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
