Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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