I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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