Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize