I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
