this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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