She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
