Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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