her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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