then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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