i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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