If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
