Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
