What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
