Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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