I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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