don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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