She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
