oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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