when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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