So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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