Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
